Wow! It's been a long time, but here I am again! I must say that the last several months have been a flurry of Orphan Annie activity which took off waaaaaaayyyyy more than I ever intended! We are now sharing a little shop in Dysart where we are continuing to create and sell our fundraiser items.
But, the real purpose for this post? My heart needs it! I have had a LOOOONNNNGGGG four months of traveling about 3 hours each day to see patients at a wonderful nursing facility that I enjoy very much while I'm there. It's the thought of hitting the road AGAIN and getting home late AGAIN that is wearing me down! So the other night, I sent the kids to bed early for no good reason...only because I was tired and crabby and they were laughing...how dare people laugh when I'm tired and crabby, right!?!? So I spent yesterday feeling like a pretty rotten Mom, but then I got a phone call that reminded me this rotten Momma has room for giant hugs, a lap for snuggling, and a heart that's ready for more! Oh boy, I feel a bunch of disorganized thoughts coming on, so bare with me in this post! Disorganized seems to be the theme around here anymore and its wearing on me!
During the last four months, I have allowed myself to feel irritated by little things...just making the crabbies worse. I'm usually much better about patience and about brushing things off my shoulder. One thing that had been bothering me was this entire adoption thing. We had first inquired about this journey a year and a half ago, but last fall Haiti came to a screeching halt for awhile. They were not accepting new dossiers as they were preparing their systems for Hague Accreditation. The beginning of March, I emailed our agency to see what the status was in Haiti. I learned that day that our agency was one of a few that was chosen by Haiti to be an accredited agency. Great! Except I also learned that Haiti will currently only allow one adoption per agency per month. What I didn't know, was whether we'd be one of those families or not. So the wait began again.
There comes a point in the process when it isn't even real anymore. When I started questioning God about whether this is really what we were suppose to be doing or not...because if it is, surely we would be moving a little faster, wouldn't we? We met some wonderful families along the way who were in the midst of adoptions, and both have brought their families together this year...yet we wait. My standard answer to people's questions has become, "we're at a standstill."
God seems to know when we need a standstill, even if we do not. I have felt the world on my shoulders in the last few weeks, only compounded by that darn 3 hours seemingly wasted each day doing nothing but driving when I have so much to do. I must say, there is no sugar coating that dreaded drive...I still see it as nothing but a giant stresser to me.
But it was during that drive yesterday that I received that phone call. I really needed a rainbow in my rainy "rotten Momma" day. It was a call from our agency that I had been not-so-patiently waiting for since the beginning of March. We are the family being selected to submit our dossier in September (remember, one family per month). That means we HAVE TO BE READY. We were ONE WEEK away from being required to pay for another FULL home steady (a couple thousand dollars...so its a big deal), but that phone call yesterday was just in time for us to squeak in with a simple update. It's still an expense, and its still re-doing everything we had previously done, but we feel like the ball is rolling again and we feel like it was a blessing in the midst of what I have felt has been a storm of stress.
That same phone call went a little farther as well. She told us that she would like to match us with a different orphanage than she originally had chosen, this one is called Children of the Promise in Cap Hatian, Haiti. It is said to be an "oasis" in the midst of this third world country. I have been very impressed by everything that I have seen and read so far. She also talked about a specific child she would like to match us with and is going to get the development and medical info for us to review. The problem is that Haiti has made a change...they no longer allow the agencies to have any say...their social services department will choose. There are a few exceptions and this little one MAY fall into that exception, so we are waiting to see. Children of the Promise has a website with photos of their kids, and I'm pretty sure I know which child she was referring to. So while I'm very much aware that this may NOT be our child, it is exciting to know that this one MIGHT be ours! It at least makes this process seem real again!
Now we are starting a flurry of activity once again as we are having to re-do almost everything. This time it MUST be done by the first half of June or there will not be time for translation before submitting in September. My recent prayers have been filled with pleas for patience and guidance and removal of the load I felt I was bearing. I still feel like I'm bearing a heavy weight...that drive is my nemesis that I feel pulls me away from my family and I'm struggling with viewing it in any other way...it brings me to tears, quite honestly!
So, I need prayers. I need to find some peace in the midst of what feels like chaos right now! I need to find the right speech therapist to take my place, so I'm not "wasting" my drive any longer, so I can be here to pick my kids up from school and not be a crabby Momma any longer. We also need prayers for our Orphan Annie's business, as this is the driver of dollars for this adoption and we are going to need LOTS of it by September! I have prayers right now that have no words, but thankfully, I have a God who knows what those prayers are, even when I'm not sure.
